kim o, kim o, kim o kies

Thursday, May 19, 2011

the CD

Years back when I was a polytechnic student. I was notorious for practices like not being punctual, having short attention span and skipping deadlines. But thankfully the lectures there are all very kind hearted and accommodating. (P.S I love you guys; especially Miss Tiana you’re my most favourite lecturer)

In my 2^nd last year of study, I had to do a project which involves creating a short 3-5 minute film. I decided to do an original music video of the music that my band and I made. The song title was The Cat. It was a song about my 1^st huge crush of this half Scottish half Chinese girl nicknamed Tabby back in secondary school. So I associated her nickname with a tabby cat; hence the title.

Tabby

In the beginning, all was going exactly as scheduled. Half way through I was swamped with more projects and also overcame with my genetic laziness. And naturally, I had 1 or 2 projects whose deadline I have to extend.

1 of them was my The Cat video. But thank my lucky stars; the lecturer in charge was very understanding and nice. His name was Mr. E.N.

I was a day late and now it is pushing to the 2^nd. He warned me that there will me a small deduction of marks for the ill punctuality of my submission. I can live with that, rather then not handing up and retaking the course next semester.

Finally after all that stressful rushing and with the immense help I got from best friend Rev (god I love him), I managed to complete my project.

We were instructed to burn our short film project on a blank CD and submit it.

When we finally finished my project, I reached in my bag.

Then I started tearing through it franticly.

“Fuck! I’m out of blank CDs!” I exclaimed to rev who was there to aid me finish by my side.

Rev look at me in wide-eyed disbelief. I returned him the same look. I now had a huge huge problem.

The computer lab I was in was closing very soon and there was no time for me to dash to the nearest shop and purchase one.

Just then, like a comic superhero that swoops in the nick of time Mr. E.N. entered the lab to check on my progress. With my most pathetic sad-puppy-eyed look accompanied with my most degrading apologetic voice tone I told him of my sad predicament.

He nodded and gave small sigh which to me felt like he was silently saying “This boy ah.. I’m being too nice to him, well at least if he manages to pass I won’t have to entertain his shenanigans again“. He then told me he might have a few blank CDs on his desk. I thanked him repeatedly with a huge smile as he walked off to retrieve the CD.

Moments later he came back and passed me a CD. I thanked him again as I took it from him. It would take a few minutes for me to burn my work on to the CD so Mr. E.N said he will be back shortly and excuses himself.

With Rev beside me I straight away inserted the CD in the C.P.U and anxiously tried to burn my project. We got puzzled for after three tries, I can’t seem to transfer my data to the CD that I just received. Rev tried to help and took over and tried to do it himself. Again the same results were achieved. Scratching our heads, I suddenly exclaimed to Rev

“Maybe theres porn inside hahak!”

I took over again and checked to see if there was any data on the CD. We both raised our eyebrows in surprise to discover that the blank CD that we received wasn’t blank at all.

Inside were a number of short 2 to 5 minute movie clips. We read the titles of the content on Windows Explorer and find them very suggestive for they consisted of words like 18 year old, double penetration and anal.

We now raised our eyebrows in gleeful anticipation and exchanged juvenile grins.

With the mouse, I took the courser over to one of the titles, right clicked and clicked play.

The player loaded and lo and behold… a clip of a black guy pounding a caucasian woman anally with animalistic hardcore masculine lust.

Rev and I looked at each other and exclaiming almost in synchronisation “What the fuuuuccck…..?”. We started giggling like 9 year old boys who just discovered his father’s secret stash of Playboy magazines.

We checked out a few more and came to a conclusion that the content of the CD was 60% anal, 30% double penetration, 10% normal one-on-one sex through the virgina and100% viewing pleasure for the straight perverted guy.

Rev and I started to discuss what we are going to do with it and who is taking home this awesome visual spectacle 1^st .

When Mr. E.N. walked in again. I kept a straight face and calmly told him that there is some content in the CD and that has disabled me from imputing data into it.

He then gave the expression of suppressed shock which gave me the suspicion that he knew what he accidentally gave me. After which I asked politely if he has another spare blank CD. He then nodded in confirmation and again walked out to retrieve it from his desk.

While he was gone, Rev and I worked out an agreement. We would copy everything from the CD to his thumb drive. If Mr. E.N demands for the CD back at least we had a back up and if he didn’t, I will be taking the CD while Rev has a copy on his thumb drive. A total win win.

Mr. E.N came back with another CD. He then stayed for the burning process. While doing so, Rev and I pretended to stare hypnotically at the computer screen watching the computer painfully transfer data of my work to the CD. My face almost cramped up trying to keep a straight face like nothing exciting has happened within the last few minutes.

Finally the burning process was complete. I ejected the CD from the computer and handed it Mr. E.N. I thank him again and he disappeared from the lab (I guess he was to shy to ask for the naughty CD). When the coast was clear, me and Rev started giggling again while packing up our things (including the naughty CD) and shut down the computer I was using.

We went home and enjoyed the contents of the CD.

A few days later I met up Rev and he had news. The CD that we “stole” from Mr. E.N wasn’t his. It belonged to a classmate of Rev’s who complained to Rev of the unfortunate luck he and a few of his friends had while watching the naughty CD in the school lab. Mr. E.N barged to find out what the small gathering was all about. He saw what they were viewing and told them to stop. He gave them a light lecture and after having their assurance that the offence will not be repeated, he confiscated the CD. He must have mixed it up with his other blank CD stash and I guess that’s how it landed in my hands. Why can’t some one misplace a million dollars instead and have it land in my hands. : (

Anyway here is the song I was talking about. Made by my awesome band :)

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

A tribute to mothers

THIS IS MY TENTH POST!!!! HODUuuKEN!!!

Hi you all, thank you so much for comming back again. I hope i have done a great job in making you guys have a light laugh. I would have given this project a pass if it wasant for the likes and the encouraging words that i have been receiving. I would like to ask for a favour. I would like to increase my viewership and also slap on more smiles on peoples faces. So if it isant to much trouble, i would like you guys to spread http://kimokies.blogspot.com/ around. May it be through word of mouth or sharing the link on facebook, any amount of help will be relished by me and may also good karma find you and part you with its priceless gift of good fortune.

Thank you once again my faithful viewers... this post is a tibute. Sadly it isant a tribute to you my lovely viewers; unless you are a woman and have expelled an over-riped fetus from your VeeJaiNah. This post is done in conjunction with mothers day this sunday. Yes it is time to thank her for not reporting you to the police even after u molested, nibbled and licked her tits once upon a time by making her breakfast in bed or buying her something expensive but she dosent need. Because to her, it is sincerely the thought that counts and she is also one of the very few in your life who thinks that having you around, is a gift as it is.

Without further ado, here is the KIMOKIES tribute to mothers:

Row row row your boat

Gently down the stream...

Merrily Merrily Merrily Merrily

Life is but a dream...

Now that we are all alone Timmy

Let's play a little game of rub the kuku bird...

Uncle Ned no.... i dont want to play.. i want to go home..

We can't go home until we finish the game Timmy..

No.. i dont want to play...

Just close your eyes and let Uncle Ned start first

BANG!!!!

*Splatter splatter*

Uh..... What happened?

MUMMY!!!

Mothers rock..

Happy Mothers Day everyone

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Her Last Words

This is.. i feel.. my deepest entry so far, to counteract the shallow one which i put up before this.

Last Saturday was my paternal grandmother's 9th death anniversary.

Grandmother had been weak and sick for some time at that time. We were not close, for she stayed with my dad's little sister. When told we were visiting her, i groaned, moaned and creaked. I've always hated family gatherings, I get stuck there for hours hearing the grown-up talk about uninteresting topics about furniture, other unknown relatives or an undiscovered gem of a food stall that sells amazing chendol. It was mental torture. Like having heating rods shoved deep in each ear and you feel your brain slowly melting away sliding down your throat.

Today's visit was abit different. Me and my siblings were told that we were going to visit grandmother because she was not experiencing good health. As a human being with feelings, i did not groan, moaned and creaked as much that day.

When we arrived and went to see her in her room. Something was really different. Firstly, my aunt's family seemed sadder then usual. Their demure were like heroin addicts who were coming down from a very bad “trip”. Secondly Grandmother looked lost lying on the bed, unresponsive to my dad who was calmly trying to communicate with her verbally.

I was still to immature to understand the gravity of the situation. My grandmother was dying and she was experiencing the final stages.

Two days later was the funeral. My dad didn't come home for he was by his mother's side till her last breath. I was surprise by the news but was unmoved. I think was the fact that Grandmother and I did not hang out often. We only see each other 2 to 3 times a year; and that was because i was forced to.

When I saw her, she has already been prepared for burial and tightly been wrapped in clean white cloth, only her face was exposed.

I looked at her. Eyes closed, eyebrows relaxed, lips seem to be at a semi-grin position. It looked like she was in a trace state of ultimate relaxation. Her face somewhat suggest to me that her passing was a painless and swift transaction. I knelled to the floor, said a few prayers and kissed her forehead.

I still was not feeling a heavy dose of sadness. I started to ask myself whats wrong with me?? here is a woman who is so sweet and kind hearted and she is no more capable of giving love, show her zen smile, shower who ever she talks to with her radiance of content; and I'm not feeling at loss.

I think its due to the fact that I try to make myself “stronger” by numbing the pain and not address sadness. As teenagers we tend to do that for we don't want to come off as weak to our peers or other strangers.

The event continued and more people came pouring in. Almost everyone was crying or at least had a visible amount of moisture in their eyes. Then it happened.

I was standing next to my mother and it came over me... like a flash flood of emotion.. Just like the uncontrollable reaction of closing your eyes when you sneeze, I looked to the floor and like a burst pipe, tears began to stream down to my chin.

I sheepishly requested from my mom the tissue beside her. Without judging and without looking at me she passed me the tissue. I tried to stop but it was futile. I requested for more tissue twice. Finally i felt flushed and was able to control myself.

That night best friend Rev made time to meet up with me. We met under my block and then proceeded to the top story of the multistory carpark beside my flat. We strapped on out roller blades and try our best to figure skate like talented swans. Instead i think we skated like swans with arthritis. Ok me.. i skated like a chronically ill swan.

Once we were tired we laid down on the asphalt, staring into the lightly salted sky. Then i open my mouth and said to Rev.

Me: You know what man?

Rev: What?

Me: Nothing is promised in this life, not happiness, not money, not even sadness or pain, or even a life.... coz you can die straight after birth or during birth... the only thing promised in life is.. death..

Rev: Thats deep man..

Me: Nah.. just common sense.

I was still in my psychedelic creative mode after we went home. So i grabbed a pen, my scrap book and my guitar and wrote a song.

I came up with it over night. It's a song about what a departing parent would generically say to their children before they go. Its called Her Last Words. Its inspired by and dedicated to my Grandma who is an inspiration, an exemplary and compassionate human being. I would like to thank Rev my talented drummer and Ran my excellent bassist for helping me manifest this piece.

Her Last Words

Have you ever wondered how it would be if I had wings to fly?

I'll bring you up to play on the clouds and watch the giant pass us by

Have you ever wondered how it would be if I could swim the ocean deep?

We'll play with the dolphins and sing with the whales

Sing me a song, put me in sweet slumber

I wanna leave with a smile soon we will be together

Remember what I said cherish me in your thoughts

I'll still take care of you but in a different way now

Have you wondered how it would be if I would give you anything?

I’ll give you everything that money can’t buy

Have you ever wondered how it would b if I could take anything from you?

I’ll take away your sorrow hate and anger

Sing me a song, put me in sweet slumber

I wanna leave with a smile soon we will be together

Remember what I said cherish me in your thoughts

I'll still take care of you but in a different way now

Sing me a song, put me in sweet slumber

I wanna leave with a smile soon we will be together

Remember what I said cherish me in your thoughts

I'll still take care of you but in a different way now

Have you ever wondered how it would be if I could live forever?

Ill love you till the end of time..

Friday, April 15, 2011

Randomness Warning not for the faint hearted

This is going to be the most tasteless and insensitive entry by far. I was bored and simply drew faces with their eyes replaced with taboo parts of the human anatomy. So if what i just said repulses you, please change the address in your address bar on top and wait for my next edition.

I would like to reach a wide spectrum of people with my blog. That includes the minuscule minority who like to look at unconvetional things; people who developed an allergy to pop culture. people who define the pictures I lazily made as art. And if u do regard the following pictures as art... then just like me you are in constant mental turmoil. Constantly restless, easily bored and addicted to somthing like smoking, work, sex, alcohol, drugs, pain, exercise or a combination of the few. Stillness of mind is something we try our best to achieve by filling our minds with something to think about and our fingers, something to do. Solution.... stop, close.... eyes, breathe... deep and smile... wide. Appretiate what you have, your body and your ability to feel joy. Once you feel you have exhaled all of the negative energy out, open your eyes slowly, keep smilling and continue what you were doing.

With out further a-do. Here comes the "art"

Booby Eyes

Clit Eyes

Cock Eyes

Thursday, April 7, 2011

A night at the beach

When we were young.... life = drama

In my secondary school days, best friend Rev, my bud E.J and I would normally meet up under my block on Friday nights at 8pm with our bikes. After having everything accounted for, we would ride over to the nearest beach, sit on the water breaker and have shallow boy talk. If Rev brought his guitar along even better, we’ll have a Foo-Fighters sing-along.

On a particular Friday night, everything was as normal as a calm heart beat. But things got alittle too dramatic for me and Rev’s taste.

We would normally take around 20 minutes of cycling to reach our destination. When we arrived, we couldn’t help but put a simple smile on our faces (the place does that to you). It was a glorious night. The moon though not full was bright like a Japanese billboard, full vision of the twilight canvas for there was hardly any clouds and the rousing wind slapping our faces just how we like it and also accelerating the evaporation of our sweat. We kicked the bicycle stand, parked our man-powered vehicles on the grass patch just behind the place we will be sitting. after which, we walked towards the water breaker like lords (which was around 2 feet away), plopped down on our butts, straighten our hands behind us to support our sweaty bodies, spread our legs to a comfortable angle ( just enough to let the sweet sea breeze snake through our khakis or pants but not too much like a contortionist).

We just chilled, talked and discuss about everyday things and debating about life itself (it made us feel deep and philosophical); though our understanding of how it works was as weak as a bite from a small black ant.

After an hour or so of chatting and laughing like drunken hobos, E.J bursts into sudden hysteria and started flailing both his arms behind his head as if to brush away the largest and most painful lice with acid spit. His delirium was also companied by 3 sharp whimpers which sounded like "HERGH! HERGH! HERGH!"

Me and Rev just looked up at him with just a pinch of alarm. its not that we are mean or couldn’t care less but throughout our life of knowing E.J, we characterise him under people who can be socially awkward and would do stuff for attention so... for him to do that, to us is as normal as a selling meat at a butcher stall.

Once his theatrics were over, he calmed himself down and sat back down to where he originally was. Rev thought that it was best to leave the matter alone but due to my undying inquisitive hunger I couldn’t help but pry open my mouth and ask.

Me: “So what happened there? “

E.J: “Some fucking insect I think was a fucking cockroach ah.. was flying on my head”

Me: *Started to laugh loudly* a.k.a LOL

E.J: “Whaattt??!!” - with a very aggitated tone

Me: “well coz you’re like big size and all, and the cockroach is like a teeny little thing... and your afraid of it?? Come on!! How are you going to survive when you enroll in the army??”

E.J: “Whats that go to do with anything??!! I mean like yea I’m afraid of flying insects.. I mean everyone has their fears what?? Come on ah, you think you got no fears is it???” bla bla bla…

I cannot really recall what E.J said after that for I have lost interest and started a conversation with Rev about how E.J is over-reacting to my remarks which were said not to offend but to just tease. Like a girl greeting her best friend “Yo! Wad up biatch??!!”. It was all in the sake of goofing around. E.J wasn’t familiar nor a fan of this concept.

So after ranting to himself for a while, E.J realised that Rev and I were not giving him the attention he was looking for. He then got up while muttered something which I think falls along the line of “Fuck this!” and stormed off to his bike.

Me: “E.J where you going?” (I tell you.. I’m a chronic kaypo)

E.J: *still muttering to himself and not answering*

Me: Mmmoouu... k..kkaayyy...

E.J gripped the handles of his bike, lifted his right leg, mounted the seat, kick the stand, cycled abit and…

E.J: “WWWAAEEHHHHH!!!!”

I snapped my head around to see what the commotion was about, but E.J has curiously disappeared. Rev saw everything and he told me that after cycling around the grass patch for abit, E.J tried to do a wheelie and somehow miscalculated and nose dived into the ditch and somersaulted on to the beach.

Diagram of the beach (Left: Top View; Right: Side View)

Me: “Is he ok?”

Rev: * shrugs *

Worry was just beginning to seep into our juvenile minds when we heard laughter, it was E.J's. He must have enjoyed the thrill ride to be laughing.

Me: “Eh E.J you ok?” (You see.. I can’t stop asking questions)

E.J answered by giggling and talking to himself with glee while pushing his bike out of the ditch. Maybe he didn’t hear me, oh well. I’m guessing if he is not discombobulated enough to push his bike out, I’m guessing he'll live.

E.J pushed his bike near a lamppost on a pavement nearby to check out the damage of his bike. Rev and I know better then to commence any form of communication with E.J when he is in his talk-to-myself mode. So we did what any kind loyal friend would do; we let him be and continued on with our conversations.

After 5 minutes or so, this is what we heard.

E.J: "aayy.. aayyyy!!! AAAAYYYYY!!!!"

At this time we were in the "gosh... what now??" phase of thought. When we looked behind, to our shock and disbelief, 3 stray dogs out of no where have surrounded E.J in a triangle formation. (have no idea how they got there; could be relatives of Cerberus)

They didn’t look menacing but more like curious, probably thinking " what is this chunky human trying to do?"

In an attempt to scare them away, buddy made the "aayy!!" noises while slamming his bike by the tire on to the pavement repeatedly.

This only made the dogs tilt their head slightly. In desperation, E.J continued his persistent noise making and took a step closer to the dogs. The dogs finally got E.J’s " you do NOT wanna fuck with this chunky man tonight, not ever!!" vibe and scampered off.

After which he called it a night and rode off home. Alone.

Soon me and Rev did the same thing for it was time for us to go anyway.

And after everything that has happened, all that has been said and done. It all didn’t mean a thing. Because in E.J’s world, regular colorful outbursts and rantings were his natural cycle; like my morning routing of defecating an hour after having breakfast. The following day at 8 am E.J called and woke Rev up from his sleep and asked.

E.J: "So what do you guys have planned for today?"