Happy Year of the snake everyone!! Xin Nian Quai Lerk!

This is a paid ad by the Kimokies corporation.

We interrupt your daily mundane routine of seeking attention on facebook and scrolling through 9gag for this important commercial!!

Chinese New year is coming!! Woohoo!! or as the Chinese will say.. Wu Hu!!

Time to reacquaint with long lost family.

Like any family reunion, there are those that we are happy to see and also who annoy us with their incorrigible behavior; like a huge pimple on your eyelid partially covering your eye.

Eg of such twats:

1) The annoying uncle whose a drunk, a suspected pedophile  and
    also lactose intolerant.

2) The proud parents of a child prodigy.

And everyone's favorite… 3) The cynical mother in law.

For those suffering from any of these situations fret not!!
Have we got smashing news!!!

Situation 1: The annoying unkempt drunk uncle who is lactose
                     intolerant?

Solution: Shove into his gaping booze gulping mouth a bottle of
                Kimokies!

Result: scientist from the Allergy Association of Singapore (ASS)
             claimed that if a subject is lactose intolerant and has his/her
             mouth stuffed with dairy or egg products, said subject will
             have continuous rocket powered diarrhea with 34% chance
             of terminal rectal hemorrhaging!

 

Now you can enjoy your celebrations with people who make the event pleasant and memorable and the disruptive uncle will be stuck in your toilet vandalizing the place brown! AWESOME!

Situation 2: Are your kids only inclined in trading Pokemon cards
                    and winning trophies at cos-play conventions?
                    Is your spiteful younger sister married a balding and
                    belly protruding but rich ang-mo? 

                   What's worse... They smashed privates and spawned
                   mix-blooded children who possess a loathing stash of
                   intelligence.
                   Now her kid’s herculean academic achievements and
                   super-human contribution to society are the only
                   subjects she excessively brags about?

Solution: Offer her Kimokies!

                Kimokies is a guaranteed conversation subject-sticker.
                With Kimokies on your dining table, curiosity will soon
                evolve to endless conversations on how mind-fuckingly
                fantastic these cookies are.

  

And BOOM! She will forget how awesome and smart the by-products of her fallopian tubes are and talk about nothing; but the genius of Kimokies the whole night! RADICAL!!

Last of all..

Situation 3: everyone's favorite.. the cynical mother in law.

Don't u just hate them? When you were growing up, you had a female authority constantly tell u not dig your nose in public, sit up straight and threaten to call the police when you misbehaved to scare the living fuck out of you.

Now you have two moms.. And the one who you got by marriage is a bezeellion (not an actual word (it means more than a lot)) times more annoying!

So how do u handle a level 70 three-eyed, unshaven succubus with four pairs of rank smelling tits lactating venom like her?

Step1: Tell her she is a lousy baker and challenge her that she can't
            make a batch of meringue cookies delicious enough worthy
            to rival Kimokies.

Step 2: Due to tradition and her rock-solid willingness to not bring
             dishonor to her family name she will accept the challenge
             faster than you can say “hwang fei hong!”

Challenge accepted faggot face!!

Enjoy your family reunion time in the living room while she is busy in the kitchen for hours trying to replicate a cookie which “SCRUMPTIOUS” magazines branded "delicious on a galactic level" "truely original" "uncopyable"! FAR OUT!!!

So what are you waiting for? dont wait! call 91763617 to get your own tub of amazing Kimokies. Make your new years memorable.. make it a Kimokies new year!