lil B

My Little Brother

My lil bro is all grown up now. And he is quite a rock star in the local underground scene from what i heard. If you heard of the band "Melting Ice" his the vocals for that group.

But i remember a time long ago when his vocab was very limited, he was way shorter and he would shit in his diapers.

Here are a few incidents which upon remembering back upon them... made me giggle till my kidneys bleed.

Naming things
Age: 4 - 5yrs

He would name animals as they are. And would repeat it until it sounds really bothersome.

Fasting
Age: 6 – 7yrs

At that age he was learning how to fast when the fasting month came. So as “training” he was allowed to break fast earlier then the adults which was around 3 o'clock.

There was an occasion where him and I followed our grandparents to the Geylang Market. He followed granny and I followed grandpa. We went our separate ways and finished out errands. We rendezvoused back at a corner store near grandpa's car around 3pm. I saw my grandma standing at the corner somewhat blocking my little brother behind her. Out of curiosity I went around her and sure enough I found my little brother. He looked up at me surprised and with his little mouth stuffed with oranges; it was an odd and funny sight. A little boy trying to hide from the world that he had stop fasting by shoving as much as he can and chewing as fast as he can into this pie hole.

Princess Diaries

Age: 2 – 3Yrs

We used to live very near our grandparents place. Its just the next block actually. So there was a time when my grandparents took care of him for the morning. But if i could recall my little brother vomited or stained his clothes and had to be changed. The problem is, my grandparents didn't have any proper baby clothes for boys so in the end when they returned him back to my parents..

He was dressed in a pink dress which used to be worn by my little sister. They must have dug the dress out from their dusty store room. My grandfather also had a wicked sense of humor; so to top off the dress, he also made my little bro wear the huge pink bow-tie that went along with the outfit. Just for kicks. I laughed like a lunatic when i saw him. His expressionless face, too young to realise that he was cross-dressing. My mom was smiling heavily when she received him back.

If i had a time machine, Its soul purpose would be to bring me back in time at that moment so that i can take a picture and show my little bro how confused he was back then.

Angry at the Floor

Age: 4 - 5Yrs

At this age he almost would have almost mastered the complicated but necessary art of walking. It gets him from point A to point B but there are occasions of slip ups and trips.

I remember one humid afternoon

he was hobbling around as usual.

And then...

In a fit for revenge he got straight back up, went to the table and took a single sheet of A4 paper that was lying on top.

Rolled it to a cylinder shape... and went to the spot where he feel and whacked the floor with his newly improvised weapon.

Now he has lost all his cuteness, and abit of a douche bag now.. but what can i say?? he takes after his brother. Take care and have fun you all!! 

EEeeeww!!

EEeeeww!!


Few years ago when i was doing my compulsary servitude
to the nation, we had to clear this 
yearly stipulation of shooting the rifle at a shooting range
at an individual level for 2 reasons.
First is to make us more familiar with the rifle and secondly if anyone get a high enough score, we will get a marks-man badge.

This was the setting of where I personally feel i witnessed the Guinness world record of the biggest human
byproduct ever dug/secreted out; where the point of exit
isn't the anus.

Heres the skinny of it. During the shoot, we are required to wear ear plugs. Most of us used the ones
we purchased from the mini mart which sells standatd army items located in our camp. It looks something like this...

My detail was one of the middle ones. so after our turn, we had around 4 hours at the holding area which for dusk to come and we 

can commence our night shoot.

after shooting, my detail and i trudged back to the holding area to wait for the night shoot. the lay out was something like this. A long bench can hold 1 detail.

I was just gazing blankly at the trees in the distance... stoning in lucidity... day dreaming of nothing to be honest.
Or  i was thinking about sex with Rene Zelwiger again... my mind tends to meander towards that direction alot.

I was transported out of my psychedelic zone when i felt someone from behind taping me. It was Reid and beside him Noh.

I turn my head back to find them covering the lower part of their faces and giggling at full throttle and pointing at something 
beside me which is below shoulder level.

i gave them a confused combined with a "fucking pissed off" look and then directed my eyes to where they were pointing. 
The gasoline of their hyeana like manner.

I swear to you upon everything thats holy... I saw.. the largest cluster of ear wax ever to be accumilated on a ear plug.


* Give me a moment to compose myself.. remembering that horrible sight.... hurts like a sharp migrain*


I promise you on my man hood i am not exagerating


At that moment out of sheer horror, disgust and fear i exclaimed..


" eh Tee!!.. what the FARK is that SEE-AAALLL??!!"


while pointing to the monstrosity of human discharge.


He gave me his " what does this joker want now" look and unhappily ask me


"Ward..??" 

"Eh! you never bathe ah??!!" I was pretty loud at this point of time but I didn't realise it. 
I am sure you all have these rare golden moments also where you know what you are doing or saying but have little control on the delivery because your system is pumped with angst, stress and adrenalin.


I pointed stiffly at the ear wax.


Tee jokingly tried to wipe the life-sized smurf poo on my uniform. My body immediately reacted and went to "on guard" mode. the finger that was pointing became a fist and i gave him a stern verbal warning.


" I will fucking punch you in the face..."


With all seriousness

He then wiped it on his uniform and the wax just tumbled to the floor. 


I looked back and Reid and Noh were still tring their upmost in containing their laughter. They started calling me an ass-hole or "macam sial" in melay. I justified to them that i was in pure shock
I have never came across some thing so grotest and massive at such close proximity.

I decided to go for a smoke to calm myself down. I returned to my original seat and it seems that 
everything has gone back to normal. I even started laughing in retrospect on how unexpected I reacted.


A few moments later. a seargent tapped my shoulder to get my attention. he gave me his sweet dorkey smile and
asked me if he could borrow my ear plugs.
Now I dont really know this sergent he sudenly seem extra friendly with me out of a sudden. I was basicly creeped out.


I paused.. gave him a sacraledgious grin and instructed him to wait.


I turned and called out.. " TEEeeeee..." still smiling like a hungry fox.


"Ward??"

Now one thing about Tee is he has a colossal heart. always willing to lend a hand at the drop of a hat.
I told him about the sergeant's predicement and he willingly passed his earplugs.


Still smiling, I handed them over, (I was careful not to touch the earplugs I touched the red cord that were connecting them) he thanked me and marched on away. 


i know i know i am a stinking douche bag...